You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
