You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
