sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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