if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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