I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
