either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
