I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
