It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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