The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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