is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
