his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
