The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
