Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
