I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
