Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
