At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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