if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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