Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
