I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
