The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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