Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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