my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
