I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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