Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
