I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize