i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
