I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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