So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
