Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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