my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize