There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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