just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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