is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
