Porn is love you can see.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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