i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize