Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
