So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
