I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize