Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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