I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
PANTIES FOUND
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