New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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