:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
