so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
