I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
