TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
