just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
