True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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