My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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