Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
