you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
