im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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