Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The best revenge is premature balding
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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