my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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