Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
