We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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