yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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