it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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