so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
