Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
