Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
