I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
