She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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