I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
