i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
