oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
