If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
