I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
