You just made me feel so damn special
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
