She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
