I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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